Breaking It Off

Ending a relationship is always difficult and most of us at some point have been faced with the stomach-churning decision of breaking up with someone that we may still care about deeply. If the relationship isn't working for you any more, and you've realized that you'd be happier without your partner than with them, then you'll just have to face up to it and do the decent thing. There's usually a huge temptation to postpone the moment, as you will be feeling terribly guilty, and even just thinking of saying those shattering words 'I'm sorry, but it's over' will fill you with dread.

Ending It

If you've only been going out for a few weeks, you might try the cowardly approach of ignoring their calls and texts until they get the message. This is not to be recommended however, just think how you would feel if the roles were reversed - wouldn't you rather hear the truth, no matter how upsetting?

Any break-up should be dealt with face to face - this is not the time for an e-mail, or worse still, a text. This may be tough for you, but much fairer to them and more dignified for both of you. Give them a little warning before you meet to prepare the way beforehand, something like "We need to talk". Meet up in a public place, but make sure you choose somewhere discreet and quiet rather than a noisy bar on a Saturday night. It's important that they retain some dignity out of all this - the golden rule is to keep reminding yourself of how you'd feel and how you'd 'like' to be dumped.

Giving them Closure

Whatever the actual words you use, they should be left in no doubt that it is over. Be clear in what you're saying, don't be wishy-washy or they may think that there is hope that you can get back together. There's no need to be cruel, but you must be firm - "I really care about you, but I'm not getting what I need out of this relationship" or something similar. Don't let them persuade you to change your mind, if you are positive that it has to end. Make them feel as good as you can (without confusing the issue) and tell him that they're a great guy/girl for someone, but just not for you. Make sure that you give them closure - it will help them move on.

Just Good Friends?

You may think that although they weren't the right person for you, you'd like to keep them as a friend. This is fine, but you must give them time and space to get over their hurt, restore their wounded pride and dignity, and move on. Give them a call after a few months and suggest that you meet up, but be very careful that you are not giving them the wrong impression. This is why you must delay contacting them for months rather than weeks, otherwise false hope could set in and that seemingly harmless 'let's meet up' could set them back emotionally. If you do manage to become friends, remember that it will be a different sort of relationship. It will be far less intimate now, so you need to tread carefully.